I purchased Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of my Hasidic Roots after watching the entrancing Netflix series that is very loosely based on this memoir by Deborah Feldman. I have discovered that Esty, the heroine of the TV series is entirely fictional; this book is about Deborah and her struggles within the Satmar Hasidic sect, which is congregated in the Williamsburg district of Brooklyn, New York.

The Satmar Hasidic sect is much more orthodox and rule-heavy than the Hasidim I have read about. There are rules for absolutely every moment of one's waking life, and almost no joy or personal satisfaction. The sect is devoted to the repopulation of the world's Jews to make up for the six million murdered by Hitler. Because of that, a girl's education ends at grade eleven, as there is no point in educating her further if she is to spend her life reproducing and serving her husband. It is a faith that has no other role for women, and I found myself rebelling against it even as Deborah does so.

The focus on women as temptress and unclean is, in some ways, not far from our own. Women are covered entirely except for their face and hands: this modesty is to save men from sin. One of Feldman's teachers tells the class of girls: "every time a man catches a glimpse of any part of your body that the Torah says should be covered, he is sinning. But worse, you have caused him to sin. It is you that will bear the responsibility of his sin on Judgement Day."

I was absolutely horrified by the fact that until a month before her wedding, Deborah knew nothing of sex to the extent that she didn't know that she had a vagina. I was disgusted by the fact that women's bodies are considered to be dirty, so there are two weeks of the month where the couple may not even touch hands, let alone anything else, and that somehow, out of this unclean vessel that is a Satmar female, comes a baby that is valued more than anything. How is that logical? Should not women be venerated for her ability to bring forth the new life that is so greatly desired?

I got sidetracked. I'm not supposed to be reviewing Satmar Hasidic Judaism, but the book. However, you can see that it made me passionately angry, which tells you that the book was written well enough to bring on strong emotion in this reader.

The characters were extremely lifelike and fully formed. I really liked Deborah's Bubby (grandma).

What dissatisfied me was that the author was really coy about how she funded her escape from the sect. Part of her money was from selling her engagement ring and her wedding ring, but the rest? She had expenses. An apartment, gas and maintenance for a car, tuition at Sarah Lawrence, daycare for her young son. I don't know how she funded it, and yes, it matters. After reading all the very intimate details of her upbringing and her marriage, I felt that suddenly not telling the reader how she's funding this expensive new life was akin to untruth and it made me uncomfortable.

If you are interested in different religions or Judaism as a whole, or in the suppression of women within in religious sect, this is a good book for you. I certainly found it an interesting and well-penned memoir. ( )

BIBLIOGRAPHIC DETAILS
Print: 2/14/2012; 978-1439187005; Simon & Schuster; 254 pages
(Digital: Yes.)
(Audio: Yes.)
(Film: Yes, Netflix-movie of same title, is loosely based on this book.)

SERIES:
No

CHARACTERS: (Not comprehensive)
Deborah (Devoiri) Feldman – author of this memoir
Rachel - Deborah’s mother
Zeidy - Deborah’s grandfather
Bubby - Deborah’s grandmother
Chaya - Deborah’s aunt
Eli – Deborah’s husband
Yitzie – Deborah’s son

SUMMARY/ EVALUATION:
A friend had recommended the movie which my husband and I had thought was quite good, so when I saw the book at my favorite used book shop, I grabbed it. I’ve discovered that the movie did not follow her story to a T, so I was happy to have the real story. I can see how it would have been too complex to duplicate, but her actual story, in many respects is more dramatic than the movie, and I learned much more about the customs of Hasidic Satmar Jews.

AUTHOR:
Deborah Feldman (7/10/1980). According to Wikipedia, Jessica “is an American singer, actress, fashion designer, and author. After performing in church choirs as a child, Simpson signed with Columbia Records in 1997, at age 17. Her debut studio album, Sweet Kisses (1999), sold two million copies in the United States and saw the commercial success of the single "I Wanna Love You Forever". Simpson adopted a more mature image for her second studio album Irresistible (2001), and its title track became her second top 20 entry on the Billboard Hot 100, while the album was certified gold by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). In This Skin (2003), Simpson's third studio album, sold three million copies in the United States.”

NARRATOR(S):
Jessica Simpson (7/10/1980). According to IMDB’s Biography page on Jessica, “Having made her mark in the music industry, it wasn't long before Hollywood was knocking on her door. In addition to a recurring role on That 70's Show, Jessica's MTV reality show Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica launched in 2003, making her a household name. In 2005, Jessica made her film debut as Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard and released a cover of Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Were Made For Walkin'" for the movie's soundtrack. The song topped the Billboard Hot Digital Tracks charts and was certified platinum. Jessica has also starred in Employee of the Month for Lions Gate Films and Sony Pictures' Blonde Ambition for which she co-starred with Luke Wilson. She also starred in Major Movie Star for Nu Image/ Millennium Films.”

GENRE:
Autobiography, Memoir

LOCATIONS:
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York; Monsey, New York; New Orleans, Louisiana;

TIME FRAME:
1986-2012

SUBJECTS:
Hasidic Satmar Jews; kosher; propriety; coming-of-age; Jewish holidays; Jewish customs; Jewish celebrations; Jewish traditions; match-making; marriage; mikvah;

NARRATIVE STYLE:
First person

SAMPLE QUOTATION:
From Chapter 1: “In Search of My Secret Power”
“She sees me looking at he r and slides off the bench. She holds out a palm to me, and when she opens it, there’s candy, in a shiny silver wrapper. I’ve never seen candy like that before.
‘Are you Jewish?’ I ask, to make sure it’s kosher.
‘Uh-huh,” she says. ‘I even go to Hebrew school and everything. I know the aleph-bet. My name’s Stephanie.’
I take the chocolate from her cautiously. Hershey’s, it says. Hersh is Yiddish for deer. It’s also a common Jewish name for boys. The ey tacked on at the end makes it an affectionate nickname. I wonder what kind of man Hershey is, if his children are proud of him when they see his name stamped on candy wrappers. If only I were lucky enough to have a father like that. Before I can open the chocolate bar to see what it looks like inside, Mimi looks over with a stern face and shakes her head from side to side in warning.
‘Thank you,’ I say to Stephanie, clenching my fist around the bar until it disappears from sight. She tosses her head and runs back to her table.
‘You can’t eat the chocolate,’ Mimi announces as soon as Stephanie is out of earshot. ‘It’s not kosher.’
‘But she’s Jewish! She said so herself! Why can’t I eat it?’
‘Because not all Jews keep kosher. And even the ones that do, it’s not always kosher enough. Look, see that mark on the wrapper? It says OUD. That means it’s kosher dairy. It’s not cholov Yisroel dairy, which means the mild that went into it didn’t have the proper rabbinical supervision. Zeidy would be horrified if you brought this into his house.”

RATING:
5 stars because it held my interest and was well told with just the right mixture of explanation, and action.

STARTED-FINISHED
2/19/21-6/3/21
( )

Unorthodox
Lessons and Key Takeaways

Do not always have the last word. Ever. Listen deeply to what is being said. Look at their body language. Especially their facial cues. What are they telling you without words? What are they trying to convey?
Treat the mentally ill with compassion. They need it. Be a guiding light. Speak up about mental illness and do not be shy talking about it. The more you talk about it the more it becomes normal to not be ashamed of it. People you know suffer from mental illness. Especially at church.
Treat the intellectually disabled with joy and peace. Help them out. Hear them out. Listen to them. They are a gift.
It is not smart to talk back. To anyone. Respect those older than you. Respect those trying to teach you. Learn from their wisdom.
Come to your own ends about how the world works through questions and research deeply the medieval world and it’s attitude towards religions and living in tolerance of each other.
“I must learn silence so that only his voice can be heard through me.” (page 31) Be silent like the Finns. Speak only when spoken to. This is a skill you must learn so that you can be an exceptional conversationalist with anyone you meet. If you speak when spoken to you learn a whole lot more than talking. When you talk you are only hearing yourself and your heart not the heart and wisdom of another individual. Remember know less. Learn more. From others around you and from different cultures and how they communicate.
“God lives in my soul, and I must spend my life scrubbing my soul clean of any trace of sin so that it deserves to host his presence.” (page 31) God lives in my soul and I love Him wholeheartedly. My faith is strong and even though I struggle with mental illness I am blessed to have God in my life to guide and direct my life journey through musick and writing endeavors that I relish with joy and happiness that make me dance when I am out. I love life and God!
Dress modestly. Cover your arms and your legs with appropriate clothing so that your skin does not show. Keep your hair neat and styled.
Keep a strict kosher household.
You are a daughter of a King of Kings. Walk a spiritual walk with God looking to Him for sustenance and nourishment. Not man. Men are fickle. Be an obedient daughter to your parents. Honor your parents. Keep your disagreements to yourself about them.
“If you have no roots, you have no legacy. All our worth is defined by the worth of our ancestors.” (page 95) Your ancestral home is your home. Your family head is your family head. The head of your clan must be obeyed without rebuttal. Listen to your aunts and uncles on the side of your father. They know more than you. Learn from them. Even though you cannot see them in person. Learn from your tribe and the other tribes and clans of your ancestral land. Your family is your family. Honor your family. Honor your clan. Do not disgrace or disrespect them. Ever. Learn the rules of your clan and follow them. Also the rules of the clan of your half-brothers mother as well! Just don’t tell your mother.
Be open-minded at all times. Absorb and adapt easily to any situation or circumstance around you. Grow your mind and excel intellectually and spiritually!

Biggest Takeaway

Follow the Jewish customs devoutly. Understand them. But also live a Godly life on God’s terms first and your terms second.

Quote in Summary

“Life is for living and living is for learning. Experience is your teacher and life and relationships are your classroom.” ( )

Not as good as I thought it would be, but there was a lot of shocking information on how the Hasidic live and how they treat their women. Makes me glad to not have those beliefs...they just seem so stifling to me. Good for the author, who had courage to question her life and make a change. ( )

it's real life so it is far from a perfectly wrapped up story with a little bow on it but I felt the author and I learned so much ( )