Toben Heim

When this book showed up it was nothing more than what I might call a brochure. I mean it's tiny, which is probably good because if the man is reading this he might quickly lose interest, but let's be honest, the woman in any relationship is going to read this and tell the man what they do or don't need to work on.

At any rate, there were easily broken down chapters that at the end had 'Discussion Questions' and 'Red Flags'. The chapters covered things like how to have an argument, what to look for in each others families, how to have conversations about money and finance and so on. Believe me, all good things to know and discuss with the person you wan to live the rest of your life with. The chapters started with quotes from real life couples and I think the one that resonated the most was that which drove the point home that it's one thing to argue when you are dating but when you are married, it's for life so get these issues dealt with ahead of time if you can. Or at least know where you stand on these issues.

Ultimately though I think these would be good for couples if they were in the earlier dating stage, say one year, or were maybe rushing things but, well, I didn't find a whole lot of revelations here. In some ways it was good because I could breathe a sigh of relief. However, I was hoping for a hip, kitschy book on relationships based on the cover and title and was instead given a book fed with a heavy dose of religion. The author went so far as to say that a marriage with a 'non-believer was doomed to failure'. Yikes! Well, that's just not going to work for all of the different couples in the world out there.

Like I said, I think this would be a good book for couples who were maybe a year into a relationship and headed towards marriage or maybe weren't that good at having major discussions but for me, I was looking for something more.… (mais)

It took me a long while to finish this book, not because of the length (the chapters were very short and manageable, and the book itself is only 8 chapters) but because I had to force myself to come back to it, and I wasn't sure what to say in a review. Before I started I saw the relatively poor reviews, and looking at the description of the book I was bound to agree, and couldn't remember why I had requested it. I am the furthest thing from the target audience, with zero plans to marry any time soon, and with zero plans to ever do it in the confines of a church. That being said, I actually thought that the author, Toben Heim, really had some good points. Yes, these are all questions that we should know to ask, but which people often don't think about or want to avoid, especially the naive among us. I actually thought that the writing was solid if not a little too colloquial, but the overuse of the "red flag" concept was wearing. The Discovery questions at the end of each chapter were probably the most useful portions, without the personal anecdotes of the prose. I was even ok with the passing mentions to god, as I thought that they weren't heavy handed and could be ignored. However, once I got to chapter 6 I spent most of the time rolling my eyes. I don't understand why an author would purposefully limit his audience to just young stupid Christian couples...I guess maybe that's a larger market than I realize, but honestly this book without the close-mindedness of the sixth chapter could reach a wider audience. Why include something so inflammatory? I agree that religion needs to be discussed, and that it's as big a sticking point as politics, but to point out that your loved one who isn't as faithful as you is going to spend eternity in hell is unhelpful at best. This book without the evangelicalism of the sixth chapter would be something that I would recommend to others...with it, it's probably going to get recycled. It was not surprising to me to find out in the reading that the author is from Colorado Springs, as that's our state's bastion of close minded evangelical Christians (you know, like Ted Haggart, Focus on the Family...) I'm sorry that it can't be a more positive review, as I believe Heim was on the right path, he just obstructed it with too big a helping of hellfire.… (mais)

I won this book from Library Thing's Early Reviewer. My first thought was that this book would be a fun little quiz book to take with a boyfriend. Well when I got this book in the mail I was proven wrong. It is more like a reference book. I am at the legal age to get married but I don't plan on getting married for another four years maybe? So when that time comes I might actually sit down and read this book, but at the moment its just not for me. I took a quick look around in the book and it seems really helpful and maybe even at times fun. The author gives their own life experience too as to make the book personal.… (mais)