George L. Cook III

Just a reading of the sample left me with a clear enough view to stop. There are 82 paragraphs, and 45 errors that I marked that need help. I feel like there should be a note in the front stating that there was a comma drought that made him have to leave several out. A couple of places were tense shift from the book's past tense to present tense. In fact, one of those was changed back to past tense in mid-sentence.

Bacterial filter mask to protect from a virus that a character drips on the ground was the main scene in the prologue. Drop ships are flying without power as it was turned off to sneak through the sky. The doctor's issue with the selling of the virus seemed to be he had to be the one to test said virus on rebels rather than just leaving the group to do so themselves. Since it infected the rebels from a short distance away on the ground, it leaves one to wait for the glaring error of infecting the entire camp once they take their masks off a few sentences later. I think that could have been entertaining in and of itself had the entire camp been infected, but not very fitting for this man to be a doctor. (I haven't even left the prologue here, and it only keeps getting worse.)

Several paragraphs were only one sentence long leading into the next which really was just more of the prior thought. Scene gaps were indicated in the spacing, but the entire prologue was one scene until the end where, you guessed it, the change in scene gap was omitted.

Simple things I could have forgiven include the paragraph that didn't get indented, before being "befor", and its being "it's", the section headers were inconsistent (prologue was left aligned and bold, others were indented like a paragraph and plain text), and the few sentences that ended in prepositions. Had the errors like that continued to grow, it would have become unforgivable, but at the rate they showed up in the sample, I could have considered the piece readable.

The reading level for this really feels quite elementary level. The line about it being none of the Sergeant's business what was in the message he was going to walk across town to deliver aided in the juvenile writing feel of this piece. The "best of the best" were the warning system of "oncoming attacks", and they traveled 10 miles to warn the other side of the city. So, we have the best are needed to walk a couple hours across town. I would think the main, all important warning system would include between cities, but not in the author's description. It reads as though 10 miles is a massive distance.

Averaging 15 issues per page says this needs to go back to be proofread and edited. Proofreading won't fix the plot holes or the juvenile writing all that much, but it would still be an improvement.… (mais)

Written by a father for his daughter (“This book is dedicated to my daughter Brittany and all black girls. You are all beautiful.”), Nappy encourages young black girls to love their hair, no matter its shape, style, or texture. In a culture that teaches girls and women that their worth lays in their physical appearance – and in which beauty standards are largely Eurocentric and shaped by white privilege - this is an important, timely, and empowering message.

I do wish the book was a little longer, though; at just five pages, it seems like there’s so much more to be said. Likewise, there are only two unique illustrations, which appear several times each throughout the book. I would have liked to see a wider variety of happy little girls and their hair styles. Stylistically, the text could be larger with a little extra spacing between the individual letters, to make for easier reading. The book looks best on a computer screen or iPad; I was able to read it on my Kindle once, and then the file started giving me trouble. I noticed that at least one other reviewer had trouble with the book’s formatting on a Kindle.

Still, kudos to Cook for what’s obviously a DIY project/labor of love. Parenting, you’re doing it right!… (mais)