Robert Rave

You know how, on TV, there are were those parents who everyone wanted for their own parents? If you grew up in the 70s or 80s, you know what and who I'm talking about. Parents like Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, or Bob and Carol Brady. Parents who were the epitome of cool, who you could tell anything to.

Well, after reading Conversations and Cosmopolitans, I think that Ron and Jane Rave should be designated the adoptive parents for every gay person in America. Everyone should have people like this - who react like this - when they come out. (Especially when they come out.)

"After talking with Robert and letting him know we loved him anyway, I think he felt somewhat relieved that he didn't have to pretend anymore with the people he loved most. His dad and I felt the same: Robert was our son, and being gay didn't really matter. .... At that moment, the most important thing for us was to make sure our son know we loved him and would always be there for him ... no matter what. And I think we did a good job proving that to him that day." (pg. 37)

Conversations and Cosmopolitans is a memoir written by a mother (that would be Jane) and her son (that's Robert). We're introduced to the Rave family shortly after Robert writes a letter to his parents informing them that he's gay. (This is now infamously known in the Rave household as "the gay letter.") Reading this book is like pulling a chair up to the Rave kitchen table and listening to the old family stories.

While reading this, Robert and Jane become your new best friends, and that's due in large part to the structure of the memoir's narrative, which works incredibly well in this book. We're treated first to Robert's perspective of a particular event or situation, followed by Jane's take on the same happenstance. It's like listening to two people tell you a story, and you find yourself watching ping-pong match style from one to the other.

There's the one about Jane getting drunk on cosmopolitans during that crazy night in New York with Robert's friends - a group that included a new actor named Rupert Everett. There's the story of Robert's disappointing (and expensive) summer when he rented a Fire Island beach house with several guys. And then, of course, the one about the birthday party dinner for the obnoxious friend who always has to be the center of attention. (There's one in every group, gay or straight or whatever else.)

All of this can be (and is) entertaining ... to a point.

For the most part, I enjoyed this memoir. Maybe because I'm a mom, but her parts of the book resonated more with me than Robert's did. At times, I found myself almost skimming over some of his narrative in order to get to Jane's down-to-earth, perspective. Maybe that's what I personally need right now. I dunno.

I'll start sounding a little nit-picky here, but I do have to mention that there were a few rocky editing issues that kind of irked me. One such error occurs IN THE THIRD SENTENCE of the book. (It's Virginia WOOLF, not Virginia Wolfe.) Then, we have the story about mom downing cosmos with a budding actor named Rupert Everett in a little movie called "My Best Friend's Wedding" ... but several chapters later when Robert flips on the TV and sees "My Best Friend's Wedding" starring Rupert Everett, there's no mention of the night of debauchery or even that Robert was once acquainted with him.

There are also a few situations that seem almost too rushed. Much of the book is focused on Robert's lack of a boyfriend and his efforts to attract one. We go through chapter after chapter of this - some entertaining, some sympathetic, some a little on the woe-is-me side of life, some a combination of all three - and then bam! Turn the page to Chapter 19, which begins "My ex-boyfriend and I were physically and culturally complete opposites."

Whoa, huh? Who? What? Where did THAT come from?

Also, one of the themes of the memoir is learning who you (and your loved ones) really are. In Jane's life, she has had to come to terms with having become pregnant in high school, and the aftermath of being shunned by her community. It's not unlike the discrimination faced by people who are gay, who don't have the same rights as others, who are castigated as being less than everyone else.

I was expecting this parallel to take a more prominent focus in the book than it did. Even though it's mentioned on the back cover as a pivotal connection between mother and son, we don't learn about Jane's teenage pregnancy until the last 20 pages of the memoir. I think the book's narrative would have been much stronger had we been privy to some of the conversations they had about this connection and discovery about who they are and how we have the ability to overcome what others thought about us - and what we wrongly believed about ourselves.

All in all, this is a light, easy, and humorous read. It would be good vacation reading. You don't have to think too hard with this one. It makes you smile, often, and above all it makes you appreciate the people who "get" us in this crazy life. No matter what our circumstances, we all need at least one person - be it a parent or a significant other or a best friend who we can tell anything to and who will stand up for us and always be by our side no matter what. Everyone should have someone like this in his or her life.

And if they don't, there's always Conversations and Cosmopolitans.

Thank you to TLC Book Tours for sending me Conversations and Cosmopolitans and for the opportunity to participate in the book tour. (Click here for the tour schedule and to see what others thought.) FTC disclosure: Although I received a copy of the book from the publisher via TLC Book Tours, I was not compensated in any way for this review.… (mais)

I enjoyed reading "Conversations and Cosmopolitans – Awkward Moments, Mixed Drinks, and How A Mother and Son Finally Shared Who They Really Are". I know many gay men who wish their mothers were like Jane Rave! Myself included. The different perspectives on the same subject were interesting, at times comical.

It is refreshing to read a book by/about a gay man that does not deal with many of the negative aspects in the life of gay men. It is also good to know that I’m not the only one out there with all or some of the author’s neurosis! I’m sure a lot of gay men are, too!

I would recommend this book to any young gay man who is either still in the closet or in the process of coming out.… (mais)

If the burden of keeping a secret was no longer something you could handle and the one person you had to tell was not only your best friend but your mother as well, would you tell her? What if this secret could potentially change the entire dynamic of your relationship? For Robert, as well as a number of people, this is a reality but fortunately for him he has the love and support of a wonderful mother & friend.

Truth be told I’m a huge fan of Robert Rave and his Chick Lit novels, but I may have a conflict now…I think I may be a bigger fan of his mom. In a world where acceptance and reactions are still mixed toward gays I can only imagine how difficult it would be not only for the individual sharing the news with their loved ones but also for the loved ones themselves. What I’ve learned in my short time as a parent is that children are who they are and as a parent your biggest responsibility, over any other even more so than feeding & clothing, is to love them unconditionally and let them know that every day of their lives. (That’s just my two cents.) Jane Rave is an incredible example of this. When Robert came-out to her and his father in the hand written letter he sent, her reaction was immediately for him in regards to his long term happiness. It wasn’t negative by any means, she simply wanted him to be happy and afforded all the opportunities we all deserve as human beings. Knowing her son the way she did, she was sure he’d be distraught about their reaction and wanted to do whatever she could to assure him they loved him and would never judge him immediately and without question.

What was truly enjoyable about this memoir, outside of the connection between Robert and his mom Jane, was the varying versions of situations through each of their eyes. The way the story was told was through situations they both experienced, first being told by Robert and then by Jane. They weren’t always present and sometimes it was Jane’s reaction to Robert’s relay of the situation via phone or email, but it was often heartwarming and sometimes incredibly hilarious. What was even funnier was often his Dad’s reaction to certain situations like the announcement he was going to get waxed. Because Robert never truly acted on his homosexuality prior to telling his parents it was as if both he and is mother were experiencing everything for the first time. Having two older children, a boy and a girl, Jane thought she’d experienced everything. Helping her son with his boyfriend issues wasn’t something she had anticipated but she met it with the same fever and hope she had with her first two children.

After reading Conversations and Cosmopolitans I’d definitely say I not only have a continued desire to pick up more of Robert’s novels as they are published, but I have a huge amount of respect for his mother Jane. It’s obvious that Robert inherited much of his writing ability from his mom as well as his ability to love. For my part, as a parent, I think I enjoyed hearing Jane’s side of the story even more than Robert’s because of her insights on parenting, friendship and her own personal struggles to find her own identity throughout her life. This was a positively delightful memoir to read and one I think everyone should read. This is a memoir that sheds new light on an often difficult situation for many, but is more than simply a story about a gay man coming out to his family. It’s a story about love, hope, life and enjoying & being who we truly are.

My original review was posted at Chick Lit Reviews and News.… (mais)

I had high hopes for this book, a memoir of man’s journey (coming out, finding his way in NYC, finding his voice) from the POV of mother and son, but I was disappointed. I never felt connected to the narrators and found Mom’s writing, especially, to be halting and trying too hard to be clever. It took me entirely too long to read such a short book, and I believe that is because it never grabbed me. I completed it only because I received it as an Early Reviewer and had an obligation, but I do not see myself seeking out any of Mr. Rave’s other works.… (mais)