Danny Silk

This book just seemed like it was all over the place with stolen ideas from other books. Nothing was well-developed or laid out in an organized manner, and I couldn't stand the powerful vs. powerless people concept. I am not sure what Danny Silk's credentials are in the psychology realm, but too many things gave me the impression that he was just making concepts up and defining them however he chose to. Quite a few of them did not ring true and were painted with too broad a stroke. I could not recommend this book to anyone. I would instead direct them to those that have done a better job- Cloud's Boundaries, Chapman's The Five Love Languages, and almost any other well-respected marriage book.… (mais)

This was one of two books that I recently read on parenting, both written by Christian authors. I had mixed feelings about the other book (Shepherding a Child's Heart, which I also reviewed), but I absolutely loved this book.

The author takes the Love and Logic philosophy, and examines how that parenting practice is actually very Biblical, using a mixture of practical examples and theological explanations to demonstrate how to put this effective approach to parenting to use. He begins, as most parenting books do, by building the philosophical foundation, and proceeds from there to expound on some broad principles of practice. The author reminds us to think of how Jesus loves us: he knows all our faults and failures, he forgives us and loves us unconditionally, and he calls us to be transformed to righteous living. In the same way, we should love our kids unconditionally and intentionally, not accepting their bad behavior, but forgiving them and guiding them to live Godly lives.

How does this relate to the daily act of discipline? Seeking to discipline out of love and not anger is one part. A big part. Another application of his philosophy is allowing children to have choices, within reasonable and safe limits, and letting them experience the consequences of those choices (again, the consequences should be limited by concerns for safety). As Silk points out, God has given us freedom of choice since our creation, so we should also extend that privilege to our children, following the example of God our father. Another important part of this parenting approach is ensuring that children face the logical consequences of their actions. No backing down, no giving in to their manipulations, but letting them learn that when they perform certain actions, they need to be prepared to meet the consequences of those actions. Not because that is how the world works, but because that is how God operates - he forgives us and helps us, but we do face consequences. Always, our decision to let them face consequences needs to be blended with mercy and forgiveness. The overall goal of parenting should be to help our children, not about ourselves.

This is a book that I am sure to read over and over, particularly as my girls get older and they can have more mature conversations and exchanges (they are only three and one at this point). I particularly liked his filler phrases that he recommends all parents use, when a child is liable to bridle at the use of logical consequences with protests or manipulations; instead of giving their angry (unjustified) words any heed, just tune them out and respond with stock phrases like "You may be right", "I know", "That could be true", and so on. I'm going to have to practice these. I also appreciated that the author used meaningful and specific examples of how to employ his method. I've read other parenting books where the author writes "for example" and then gives us an anecdote so vague and broad that the point is lost. Not so here. Very real, very touching, life examples. I highly recommend this book to all parents. In fact, I've already bought another copy to give to a parent I know. An excellent guide to discipline based on faith.… (mais)