Dr. Greg Smalley

Here's something that doesn't get mentioned in any other reviews or even the blurb: the whole book is super religious and the methods described are largely Bible-based. The word "god" appears in the book 254 times (and "Satan" only 8 - mostly in the chapter about power struggles in relationships). It's that kind of book. Half the time I felt like I was taking a Bible study class, against my will.

However, despite the off-putting Bible-basher approach, I do think there is a lot to be gained from the book if you are willing to look beyond all the religious references (and there are lot of them, so it's not easy), or if you are into that sort of Bible study class approach to your marital affairs. If you are not - the messages are still sound. I was afraid to see the "sanctity of marriage" argument that requires one or both spouses to put up with all sorts of crap just because divorce is a no-no according to this particular brand of religious, but this message was thankfully missing from the book.

Written from the perspective of different people - 4 fictitious couple undertaking a 4 day intensive group therapy course - it reads quite well and the shifting perspective breaks up the pace so it doesn't get too monotonous. It does however resemble a soap opera (a highly religious one) at times.

So in conclusion, it's a worthwhile read with a good message but you've got to be prepared to put up with religious references throughout and some laugh-out-load soap opera moments.… (mais)

Greg Smalley and his wife Erin share from personal experience as well as Greg's work with the Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University in this book. They basically examine potential causes of marital conflict that may arise. He calls this "The Dance" or the "Fear Dance." He encourages couples to think about more than the trappings of the wedding (invitations, venue, receptions, honeymoon location, etc.) by talking about and working through things with longer-lasting implications. I'm not certain that his "Fear Dance" analogy makes is the appropriate term to be used for what he is describing, but the points he makes are valid ones. He provides a list of books that provide questions engaged couples should address early in the book. It's not the best book on Christian marriage out there and alludes to several others such as Gary Chapman's well-regarded The Five Love Languages and H. Norman Wright's So You're Getting Married in the text. It is, however, a good one which has some worthwhile discussion questions for couples.… (mais)