Suzy McKee Charnas and George R. R. Martin
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Does anyone happen to know? (Is it the kind of thing everyone already knows?)
These were the similarities: Martin's world is also in an advanced state of decay, and the settlements are called Holdfasts. The main culture he invents is military and rather Spartan, like Charnas'. Pairings between men are the norm, though Martin's vision of this is rather more romantic than Charnas'. There's a lot of high drama and poetry about the bond between them. Women are slaves, either as individual property (in which case they are possessed by both men), or held in common by the whole Holdfast, in which case they spend their lives underground, breeding in caves. That seemed very close to Charnas' house pets and breeding-houses.
In addition Martin makes special point of saying that "mother" is not a meaningful concept for the warriors, and that the young men are raised en masse in foster houses--also like the men of C's Holdfast. And finally he tells a myth-like story in which women are "discovered" by the planet's Adamic couple, hiding in a cave from a rain of (presumably nuclear) fire. That reminded me of the histories of both the Free Women and the fems . . .
Thanks for responding, by the way!
I didn't think his solution was very satisfying (don't want to say more, lest I spoil your re-read!), though it made emotional sense. But he took the question seriously and it was still a pretty good book. I loved the gloomy, rotting planet.