Do opposites attract?

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Do opposites attract?

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1barney67
Out 14, 2007, 7:16 pm

For years I've wondered about this question. I think it would be interesting to think about it in the context of types, keeping in mind, of course, that no acronym can approximate the range of human complexity, let alone the complexity of relationships.

I know that there must be fundamentals people share. And yet, if they are too much alike, this would seem to easily approach narcissism.

Are there types that fit together? Do introverts and extroverts marry, for example, or do they drive each other crazy?

Or this is too complex a question?

2frogbelly
Editado: Out 15, 2007, 12:22 am

In my experience, people that are more introverted need someone that is a little more gregarious. Usually they temper each other.
I'm definitely an introvert for the most part and no matter how much we have in common to talk about and how nice a person they are, if a man leans toward being introverted it's just not going to work.
The easiest and best fit of a relationship I ever had was with a meatheaded frat boy type (but with a good heart) which is sooo not me. It was an accident, I swear!

Another example: My father is basically Hank Hill and my mom is becoming more and more like Endora from Bewitched. They've been happy for thirty years.

3mpramanik
Out 15, 2007, 1:35 am

I think they do. My ex husband is an ISTJ and I am an INFP. It obviously didn't work, but there was an attraction in the beginning. I agree with the books I have read on the subject; that an N-N or S-S commonality is important. We did not share a mental connection. Supposedly my perfect match is an ENTJ. I dont know that this would be perfect from my own experiences, but I can say that I am extremely happy being married to an INTP. I find the differences caused by the T-F not too much where it becomes frustrating, but just enough to keep everything interesting and a lot of fun!

4citygirl
Out 15, 2007, 11:51 am

Maybe some types are more likely to look for that opposite attraction and some like to stick close to home. But I bet it's one of those things that depends greatly on the individual.

5jjwilson61
Out 15, 2007, 3:20 pm

I think your right citygirl. Some people seem to find the opposite type intriguing while others find it annoying (and that can vary letter by letter).

6chainedwind
Out 15, 2007, 6:41 pm

Obviously, I've never been married. I've also never been in a romantic relationship. However, speaking in terms of friendship: according to my survey, pretty much all of my friends are I's, most are N's, most are T's, and it's half-and-half with J/P.

Curiously enough, I'm an INTP with a weak P and a strong I.

:D

7citygirl
Out 15, 2007, 8:35 pm

Well, when you throw sex into that mix, things can get pretty interesting as far as finding out what "type" you go for.

8chainedwind
Out 15, 2007, 8:54 pm

Why, do different types approach the act differently?

9citygirl
Out 15, 2007, 10:49 pm

No, I mean that when the feelings involved are sexual, there's an added dimension to the interaction, any interaction between two people. And that you may find that what turns you on is different from what you may have expected or experienced previously. What we look for in friends is not always what we look for in lovers.

10chainedwind
Out 16, 2007, 5:39 pm

And is what we look for in lovers always what we look for in spouses?

11citygirl
Out 16, 2007, 6:48 pm

Always? Certainly not. I couldn't even say "usually" comfortably. For me, yes: intelligence, honesty, faithfulness, physical attractiveness, ambition, yada yada yada. I had considered marriage to all but one of my serious boyfriends.

If you ask ten different people you'll get ten different answers, I bet. I can only speculate. Usually spouses are lovers first. Of course, some people seek lovers who are not their spouses. Some people who marry more than once find wildly different mates each time. Some people have a series of lovers and then marry someone different from those who came before. Love is a funny thing. But friends and lovers and sometimes spouses all have different roles in our lives, so it makes sense to seek qualities befitting the role.

12TheresaWilliams
Out 26, 2007, 3:59 am

I think in my case opposities did attract. I am an Idealist (INFP) and my husband is an Artisan (ISTP). My orientation is toward the abstract and his toward the concrete. I rely on feeling; he relies on logic. For sure, there have been collisions, but we complement each other nicely. We've learned a lot from each other. I enjoy reflection and he enjoys action. One thing I like about him very much is his keen observations. He notices things in the external world that I don't (because I'm inside my own imagination). His observations have helped me to be more observant (although I will never be oriented to the external world the wa he is).

13readafew
Out 26, 2007, 10:04 am

My wife and I are exactly opposite, I'm an INTj and she's an eSFP. We do a great job of balancing each other out. I think it helps we both try to understand the other, though we use opposite approaches. We do surprisingly well...

14villandry
Out 26, 2007, 12:54 pm

Some of my dearest friends are ESFP's - they are the greatest! They yank me out of my "little" world and I am very grateful for it. You are a lucky man. I would imagine she is even understanding of your need for "think time" !!

15readafew
Out 26, 2007, 1:40 pm

yes I am. yes she is. 8)

16historydoctor
Jan 4, 2008, 9:28 pm

Opposites can, in my experience, attract but to form a permanent bond you needed someone who can understand you, which could either be an opposite or someone similar to yourself. My wife and I are both INFJs and she really is the only woman I've ever met who could be 'the one.' There have been others that I thought were the one but who turned out not to be. We do everything together, we have similar (not identical) tastes, and we can hardly bear to be separated. I'm not sure the last bit is healthy but we are VERY close.

Coincidentally, my closest friends are all IN-Js (either T or F). A group of kindred spirits perhaps?

17citygirl
Jan 5, 2008, 10:22 am

hdoc, I have a similar experience with my fellow-INTJ husband. After five years we are closer than ever. In fact we will have to be separated in a few days due to circumstance and I'm wondering how my formerly-independent self (and his) will handle it. My goal is to get back here as soon as possible.

18historydoctor
Jan 5, 2008, 1:12 pm

Nice to know we're normal, or at least less abnormal than I'd feared. Being INFJs we've both spent most of our lives feeling like misfits and we can hardly believe our luck at meeting each other. I imagine that citygirl can relate to that.

19citygirl
Jan 5, 2008, 1:18 pm

Oh, yeah. I feel like I hit the lottery. But of course, as INTJs, we don't care if we're abnormal, as long as it works.

20historydoctor
Jan 5, 2008, 1:27 pm

Whereas, being an INFJ I do worry about it because if it's abnormal shouldn't we be fixing/healing it? Only kidding. I've learned the hard way: if it ain't broke...

21seimeis
Jan 9, 2008, 11:20 pm

*plant tongue firmly in cheek*

There's nothing wrong with me that a little hard work can't fix. I just need to try harder. *grin* Isn't that the INFJ motto?

seimeis (INFJ)

22historydoctor
Jan 10, 2008, 8:11 am

Yes, I think that it is.