OMFG - I'm 40!!

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OMFG - I'm 40!!

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1Bookmarque
Jun 24, 2008, 12:00pm

So ok. I'm not hyperventilating or anything, but 40 hit me much harder than 30 did. I was happy to be 30. Pleased to no longer be a kid anymore.

I take it back. I feel as if my youth is gone. Everyone tells me that it's only a number, but it's a number halfway to 80. By no stretch of the imagination can I be called young anymore and it makes me sad.

I'm not talking suicidal or uncontrollable crying, just a realization that the show is 1/2 way over. I like my life and have no regrets and I've actually been dead once already (58 seconds) and so it's not really fear that's doing this, just sadness.

Did anyone else go through this? Does it pass?

2GeorgiaDawn
Jun 24, 2008, 12:03pm

I was fine with 40, but 50 is creeping up on me and I'm already dreading it. Seriously dreading it.

3drneutron
Jun 24, 2008, 12:10pm

Yep, it passes, then hits again when things like my son's high school graduation happened. On the other hand, I was inspired by a guy who kayaked the entire west coast of North and South America - some 6000 miles. He didn't pick up a paddle until he was 65 years old.

I have no intention of settling down...8^}

4Esta1923
Editado: Jun 24, 2008, 3:45pm

The easy remark is "consider the alternative," but a better one is~~~~you 're not getting older you're getting better. (And I am 85, so you are 'way behind me, youngster.)OOPS! Just noticed what group this is. . . .Pardon the intrusion.

5Bookmarque
Jun 24, 2008, 4:12pm

No worries Esta1923. Intrude away. The viewpoint is appreciated and it's nice to be considered young. :)

Yeah, the alternative is the pits. Any day spent above ground is a good day. It's not death that worries me, it's old age. I'm already creaking around and in pain every day. Injuries take forever to heal and pain me thereafter. The shoulder I separated a year and a half ago has been bothering me today. It sucks and it kind of scares me. I'm not sure I have the mental fortitude to keep on if it's just going to get worse and worse. The prospect is depressing. Such a huge difference between 30 and 40 for me. Back then I was healthy and in one piece.

6FAMeulstee
Jun 24, 2008, 8:10pm

Personally I had no problem with 40.

I did have a problem with 30, I refused to be 30, so I had my 29th birthday 3 times in a row. Then I felt good enough to go on to 32 ;-) The transition from 29 to 30 felt like I should be mature by then and I did not feel ready for it...

7mvrdrk
Jun 25, 2008, 1:21am

Most everyone I know says the 40s were better than the 30s.

Yes, injuries take longer. I've a friend who claims that the 50s is when you start moaning when trying to get out of bed in the morning. LOL! The creaking, honestly, is not something you have to live with. My sib is mid-40s and still goes rock climbing and mountain biking, it's all in how you take care of yourself, but sooner or later it no longer comes without specific effort.

8valleymom
Jun 25, 2008, 10:30am

I enjoyed turning 30 & even threw myself a party. It felt weird to turn 40. I think because I am no longer eligible to be considered a "young" woman. I am officially middle-aged. It has become rather surreal as I gave birth to my youngest child at 42. My age has become more of a comedic point these days. I'm in my 40's, my spouse is in his 50's & we have both puberty & potty training going on in our house.

It's all good.

9Bookmarque
Jun 25, 2008, 10:43am

I can't even imagine having the energy for that right now. My best friend just had her second kid at 39 so she's got a baby and a 3 year old at once. I'm tired just thinking about it. Happily childfree!

10MDLady
Jul 2, 2008, 2:20pm

My age never bothered me until last week. Ok, it doesn't bother me, but what a shocker! We took our summer camp swimming at a public pool that I used to swim at when I was 12.....of course the kids wanted to know how long ago I used to swim there. The shocker was telling them that I used to swim there 30 YEARS AGO!

That really hit me hard. I have no real problem with my age but the numbers are scary. And personally, I am not half way to death cause I'm living to 112. I already have it planned;)

11cindyarnwine
Jul 17, 2008, 3:53pm

I wish I had known about this site (and group) when I was on the edge of turning 40. I also had a hard time with this one! I really found it to be a pivotal age between young and old. I began searching for things to do with the rest of my life etc. I have to say one of my favorite book of all times is The Wish List What a great inspiration to not only strive for, but also it is great fun to mark off things you have done! My bookclub did this book as a December meeting book, being a time when reading gets pushed aside. Great Conversations and sharing!
As I have wandered away from the subject a bit...I have 4 children, (or 1 adult and 3 children! My oldest son turned 18 yesterday!)and right before I turned 40 in March of this year, I had my 16 month old nephew come and live with our family. Whew, talking about a life changer, with my youngest being 7 years old, but you will definitely stay young chasing after a toddler. (Or get old quicker, huuummmm...)

12Makifat
Jul 17, 2008, 4:45pm

I had my first child the year I turned 40, so I hardly noticed it. I was having too much fun to notice 30. They really are just numbers...

...but I do tend to take notice when I hear of someone my age suddenly dropping dead.

13TeacherDad
Jul 17, 2008, 6:33pm

30 was harder than 40; it was the end of the carefree, footloose 20's... 40 was easy since nothing much would change -- I was married and a dad at 39 and still would be at 41, etc,... but I think 50 might be rough since by then my boys will be young men of 22, 19, and 15 (and finally able to outrun/jump/etc... the old man)...

14emaestra
Jul 17, 2008, 7:45pm

The other night I heard Joel McHale (of The Soup) call a 52 year old woman "elderly." My husband and I both gasped - that's only 12 years away for me, 10 for him. HA - and 15 for Joel himself. Bastard. As for myself, I have no intention of being elderly until I'm at least 70, if you can catch me.

15valleymom
Jul 18, 2008, 9:36am

Gee, my husband has already passed the "elderly" point, according to Joel McHale, at least. Becoming a parent at the "elderly" age of 53 has loosened my husband up a bit. Our little guy won't leave for college until I'm 60 & the husband is 71, so I guess I won't have time to feel elderly until some point beyond that.

I love the shock factor of speaking with young women, young enough to be my daughters, & sharing with them that I have a two-year old. If my husband decides to go to his next high school reunion, we'll certainly be one of the more non-conventional families!

16tcw
Jul 23, 2008, 12:42pm

i'd hate to be hanging since i was in my 40's ...

it was a little odd: at 39, i was punching cops and making bail. by the end of my decade there, i was wrapping my knees and looking back at my waistline, my hairline, and all my good pickup lines.

don't fret, newly 40's. it's all downhill from here.

17Karen5Lund
Ago 6, 2008, 6:36pm

The most difficult year for me was 39. No doubt the prematurely white hair (started at 16; gave up coloring--it was hopeless--at 36) didn't help. And the jokes about Jack Benny being 39 forever. I was afraid people would think I was lying, so I stayed 38 for two years.

Friends from work took me out to dinner for my 40th. The waiter said, "This looks like a fun party. What's the occasion?" Somebody said, "It's Karen's 40th birthday." Then he smacked his hand over his mouth, looked horror-stricken. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that?" But I was fine with it.

The 40s have been better than the 30s and the 30s were better than the 20s. The teens were dreadful. Now my Dad teases me that I'm getting close to 50. I just smile sweetly and call him an octogenarian.

18valleymom
Ago 7, 2008, 2:05pm

And that's the way to do it! You go, girl!

I find 45 puzzling. I've had a couple of weeks to get used to it now but I don't feel 45...and I'm always told that I don't look my age, either, so I'm just feeling my way through this age thing. After all, it's just a number!

19Karen5Lund
Ago 9, 2008, 9:21am

I have no idea what 45 (or 40, or 50, or 60....) is supposed to feel like. Neither do I know what it looks like, except that men under 35 look like little boys to me now. I really don't feel much different than I did ten years ago--or look much different either. (In fact, I recently lost almost 30 pounds, so I might look a little better!)

In Portfolio Life,* I read that as Americans are living longer, it's not old age that's being extended but middle age. "Elderly" used to start at 65, but now 65 is just a sort of "late middle." Elderly doesn't start until the late 70s, unless one has medical problems that force a slowing down; but even many of the common diseases of old age are being pushed back a decade or so, or are controllable with treatments so that their impact is diminished.

* Yes, I know the subtitle says "After 50" but I'm preparing. ;-)

20GirlFromIpanema
Set 29, 2008, 5:19am

Hm, I had no problems with 30, nor with 40. Maybe, because I did not celebrate either of them, due to big changes going on in my life at that time (30th birthday away from home at a training for new job and preparing a move, 40th in between job hunting, internship, preparing for another big move).

Like someone said elsewhere: I don't feel a day older than 21 (although 21-year-olds might disagree ;-) ). I am OK with my looks in the mirror --well, I'd love my back to stop hurting (it runs in the family), but I just need to do a bit of sports for that!

21valleymom
Set 29, 2008, 3:47pm

I've recently realized that my knees are about the only thing that don't feel as good as they did when I was in my 20's. Sitting through a movie in the theater makes my knees stiff, no matter how much I wiggle around.

22GirlFromIpanema
Editado: Set 30, 2008, 7:44am

Will tell you about my 30th birthday, I think. I wrote I was away from home. It was the 3rd day of a training month, with new colleagues I hardly knew, and we were placed in a very nice 4 star hotel. Now, someone found out (about the birthday) and they went and bought a very hardy office plant. Got a nice story with it, too: The gardener selling it to them was an immigrant from Papua-New Guinea, and he said 'the stuff is considered weeds in Papua.' *ggg*
Well, the blokes crept up to me at the breakfast table, presented me with the plant and broke into singing "Happy Birthday" --in front of a large room full of people!
Quite a remarkable morning :-). My favourite birthday, beside my 12th birthday in Vienna. The 40th was unremarkable, compared to this (coffee and cake with the family).

23crazy4reading
Set 30, 2008, 6:28am

Turning 40 didn't bother me at all. I just think of it as a number and nothing more. I am glad for everyday that I wake up whether I am in pain or not. Having the pain makes me know that I am still here and able to feel things. Everyone that is older then me complain about being old, even when they are only 5 -10 years older then me. I just laugh to myself. Everyone reacts differently to their birthday. I am always happy about my birthday because I made it through another year. I guess we will see how this year goes considering my daughter graduates high school next year.

I AM 40 AND PROUD!!!!!!

24Boo028
Out 25, 2008, 7:18pm

40 was good. Not as good as 30, but good. I'm surprised that I don't really mind getting older at all. I'll be 42 in January, and that's fine with me. I don't even color my greys, which are beginning to take over. I'm five pounds heavier than I was at 20, and that's okay too. Enjoy whatever age you are!

25edoc
Out 27, 2008, 10:04am

Just turned 40 and this birthday hurt. Never been that bothered about my age before but turning 40 meant that I was now a proper grown up age!

26RitaFaye
Out 30, 2008, 4:16pm

I turned 40 this summer, and it is waaaaay better than my 30's. The year I turned 30, my arthritis was out of control and I was told to wear orthopedic shoes. Now it's under control and I have discovered Danskos, which are the greatest shoes ever made.

The rest of the decade was a blur of child-rearing and then my husband's illness and death, so 40 so far is wonderful!!!

I threw myself a 40th party this year, had 50 some people over for a backyard picnic. It was also to celebrate surviving the last 3 years. My philosophy is I would have turned 40 with or without a party, so might as well party!!

27qoquaq
Out 30, 2008, 5:10pm

50 is the new 40!

28starfishpaws
Out 31, 2008, 3:30pm

40 is the only birthday I've had trouble with. I'm 41 now and the troubles continue. Sort of a "chain reaction" I guess. Right around the time I turned 40 I had one of those moments where reality is "extra real" and I believed for the first time that I would die, that I would never do most of the things I wanted to do and, most importantly, This Is Me. I guess I kept waiting for my life to get started and one day I woke up and realized I'd missed at least half of it.

Also, I work with teenagers. That would make anyone feel old very fast.

29drneutron
Nov 1, 2008, 10:36am

Hey, there's nothing that says you can't get going now on the things you want to do. I read about a guy who wanted to have an adventure all his life, but never did. So at 63 he decided to paddle a kayak all the way from Alaska to the southern end of Chile. He made it - over 6000 miles, if I remember right. If he can do it, so can I!

30starfishpaws
Nov 1, 2008, 1:26pm

Yuck. My earlier post sounds really depressing when I re-read it and that's not what I meant. Turning 40 made me realize that I have choices I didn't know I had. I had just followed life along and reacted to it as it happened and now I realize I can act on it and make changes.

That's closer to what I was trying to say.

31Boo028
Nov 2, 2008, 1:27pm

PDeebs, I don't think your earlier post sounded depressing. I think you nailed it. I've had just those same thoughts (I'll be 42 in January). I think your revised description is good, too. But those first thoughts I found really honest and not depressing. After all, it's all in what you decide to do with or about your new realizations or knowledge.

32starfishpaws
Nov 4, 2008, 1:47pm

> #31 Thanks, Boo028. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It isn't something people talk about much, except for mid-life crisis or menopause jokes.

I'm trying hard to take advantage of the choices that I have. They aren't particularly glamorous choices (no fame and fortune in my future), but they are mine and if I don't make them they'll be made for me.

33GirlFromIpanema
Nov 6, 2008, 3:47am

...You know you're getting old, when the new President of the United States was born in the same decade as you...
*gulp*
Politicians are meant to be *old*!
*lol*

34drneutron
Nov 6, 2008, 9:23am

LOL. Yeah, I've had that reaction...8^}

35cynthiadogmom
Nov 18, 2008, 10:28pm

33/34 - And it's worse when he's just one month older than you. Hard not to make comparisons.

36Bookmarque
Nov 19, 2008, 8:34am

I went through that about 5 years ago when my new boss turned out to be younger than me. After a few months of struggling with my self esteem, I realized that I'm just not ambitious enough to feel the need to compete. My life is pretty stress free and climbing a company ladder would only create stress where none is wanted. When I saw fully the pressure cooker she was in and her lack of a stable social life, I knew that kind of situation wasn't for me and I'm totally happy staying out of the limelight.

37GirlFromIpanema
Nov 19, 2008, 9:21am

#34: "Hard not to make comparisons."

Not that I wanted to have his job. Not for all the whiskey in Ireland. Not enough time to read and surf LT.

38valleymom
Nov 19, 2008, 2:48pm

#37 - "Not enough time to read and surf LT."

Truer words were never spoken!

39Karen5Lund
Nov 28, 2008, 10:08am

Qoquag (27) wrote: "50 is the new 40!"

I heard it as 50 is the new 35. Which I keep telling myself as I get closer. ;-)

40GirlFromIpanema
Editado: Out 25, 2009, 8:14am

"...You know you're getting old, when the new President of the United States was born in the same decade as you..."

And now they've just announced the ministers in the new German government, and two of them are years younger than me (MOD and Health).

41stefc80
Out 25, 2009, 7:04pm

I'd be fine with 40 if it weren't for books! You don't ever read about 30 year old with illnesses and such, but alll of a sudden I became aware of the number 40 due to authors who aren't nice to 40 year olds. Hmmm ...to read or feel good about 40!

I have to say 30 wasn't great because I wasn't where I wanted to be - dumped a boyfriend and moved into my parents' basement, but 40...much better by my standards...darling hubby, three kids, great job and a place I like. If I weren't so tired, I might be delighted!

42stefc80
Out 30, 2009, 8:20pm

Just started Audrey Niffenegger's new book. Female character killed off at 44 with cancer. There you go!

43cynthiadogmom
Editado: Dez 15, 2009, 6:20pm

Just thought I'd share this - I've been to see The English Beat several times in the last few years, and the bandleader, Dave Wakeling, has a neat way of answering the "How old are you?" question. This year, he told everyone that he turned "thirty-twenty-three" in May.

My friend, who is three months younger than me, finds that being "thirty-eighteen" is more comforting than being forty-eight.

I just like saying it because I'm in my second teenager-hood.

44LitChick1
Dez 26, 2009, 10:28pm

Esta mensagem foi removida pelo seu autor.

45Anastasia169
Maio 31, 2010, 3:32pm

40 hit me a little hard and I feel guilty about it. I got cancer at 32 and they told me I wouldn't live to see 35. I have been very lucky and am now 41 and while I still have tumours, they are quiescent and not growing. With this in mind, I feel like I don't have the right to feel anything negative about arriving in the middle of life.

But I do, I can't help it. I feel like I haven't accomplished enough and my health makes addressing this more of a challenge than I would like. I loved 30, as others have said, it felt like I had really arrived in adulthood. And I am one of those people who had a hard youth and young adulthood and think that being very young is overrated in many ways.

I have not started to creak or have aches and pains not related to the cancer and I look about 5 years younger than my age - but still - knowing that it is half over and for me probably more than half over is sobering - and again, this is related more to worrying about accomplishment than craven fear of death. I am glad that others have felt this as well.

For those of you with young children - god bless you - it makes me tired just thinking about it. I have a 21 year old and he is enough of a challenge - young adults still need a lot of parenting because as noted above being young is not easy. Thanks for letting me vent.