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Anyway it's a good read so far. I recommend the A.E. Stallings translation from Penguin; she has managed to translate it in rhyming pairs of lines with 14 beats. Usually I find rhyming translations clunky and distracting, but not so with this version :-)
One thing the Butcher/Butler,Lang, Leaf, Myers Schol did get right was to call the Greek deities by their Greek names. Even Joyce, in writing Ulysses instead of "Odysseus" hadn't got that far. Almost anyone of the old translator's era would have called Poseidon "Neptune", Zeus "Jupiter", Athena "Minerva" and so on.
COrrection "Semeata" in the Iliad Quote, should be "semata" (and the e is an eta, not an epsilon; I cna't make macrons on this keyboard.)
But whatever, like I said, I do actually like the Stallings translation, so whaddya gonna do :-)
But don't you have Lucretius himself on your side for this one? I thought Epicurus said that his philosophy wasn't supposed to be described in poetry at all, because nuances could be lost by forcing the ideas to fit the meter, but Lucretius chose poetry anyway because expressing the ideas that way made them more memorable.
"For those in adolescence's riptide, when Manhood has made
Seed in their limbs for the first time--then images invade,
Images of some random body or other--bringing news
Of a lovely face and radiant complexion's rosy hues.
This irritates and goads the organs, swollen hard with seed--
Such that frequently, as if he'd really done the deed,
A youth floods forth a gush of semen and so he stains the sheet."
I don't recall the lLatin of this, but it's probably a good example of how trying to rhyme can make the translation awkward, or even make it inaccurate. at le times. (I don't think thiss one is inaccurate).
It is all the more interesting, if the reader remembers that "images" (simulacra) in Lucretius's philosophy did not mean something unreal, but, as dreams were, too, something no more nor no less r real than what we commonly call "reality.".
Speaking of simulcra, he also has a section in the same chapter I believe, where he asserts that dreams and other images we imagine are made of the same "atoms" as everything else is...essentially that they are real while they exist, and then die as soon as we stop thinking about them. Kind of an interesting take on the concept.