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The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

por Esther Perel

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1475141,858 (4.21)2
An affair. It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Why do people cheat, even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? For the past ten years, couples' therapist Esther Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of clients who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage -- with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships: what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.… (mais)
Adicionado recentemente porMarco1989, frannyclark42, bbyrer, smm_1964, stonelibrary, libraryhead_wishlist, cyscaine, biblioteca privada, ducmn
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This is an excellent source for practitioners wanting to understand the various processes in and around affairs. Esther Perel has made infidelity a focus of both her clinical work and her professional reading and reflection. As a result she is able to provide thoughtful commentary illustrated by case examples, and referring to the perspectives of other writers. I particularly liked these arguments:
- that the adulterer needs to be met with understanding by the practitioner, rather than judgement;
- that infidelity is viewed differently in different cultures;
- that the lover – the ‘third’ party – needs to be let down gently and respectfully when the adulterer chooses to end the relationship.
John Maddick, Counsellor, Kew
  ravlibrary | Mar 26, 2019 |
Anyone who has been, is or will be in a relationship should read this book. Finally, a common sense, whole person, realistic approach to relationships has been published. The canvas for this masterpiece is affairs but it really is a discussion, explanation and plea for a meaningful and positive approach to making a truly committed long term relationship work. She cites a book I read years ago, The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin, with his Erotic Equation: "Obstacles Attraction = Excitement" to reveal the ultimate truth that humans are complex, varied, and alive on a continuum. Selfishness and love need not compete but can be bent, molded or even wrenched to compliment and sculpt a unique but lasting piece of living art, a marriage. ( )
  DonaldPowell | Feb 5, 2019 |
Esther Perel has the ability to delve so deep into human connection and understand relationships. I'm always blown away by her empathy and intelligence. However, a lot of what is in this book has been touched on in one aspect or another in her previous work (including the podcast) so I wasn't as engaged as I would have been if it was a fresh look at Perel's work. I also found it a little bit too long, though I did listen to the audiobook so I'm not sure I'd feel the same with a hardcopy. Genius stuff, nonetheless. Recommend it to anyone who is a human and wants to understand infidelity and reconciliation. ( )
  polyreaderamy | Jun 11, 2018 |
Esther Perel's book takes a fresh look at marriage, with a focus on one of its most frequent disrupters- infidelity. She begins by challenging traditional definitions of what infidelity means, and goes on to discuss it in all its complexity. Infidelity often destroys marriages but sometimes not and Perel discusses the factors that kinds of individuals that determine whether it will or not. This book has much to say about marriage itself, especially in our modern age of technology and long lifespans. I fIrst heard Perel on Fresh Air and thought she had some interesting views from her years as a therapist and she does. ( )
  Mark.Kosminskas | Feb 18, 2018 |
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An affair. It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Why do people cheat, even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? For the past ten years, couples' therapist Esther Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of clients who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage -- with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships: what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.

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