The beginning and ending of this book was great. It's about the aftermath of a school shooting. What happens to those who are alive. How each individual is dealing with the events, the loss of loved ones, and the overall tragic event. This part was great. I loved it.

The middle is about Isaac, who just moved to the city. And he comes with baggage. His ex (who isn't really his ex, but he's boyfriend) shows up, and... well... some things happen I didn't like... yeah, overall that middle part was complicated and confusing for me. I understood some of the ex's behavior, jealousy can make you do things that you normally wouldn't, but I have my doubts about Simon, he seemed a little too out of it. A little crazy.

I found it annoying that Isaac constantly pointed it out that John isn't his type. Clearly he was into John physically, he liked him as a person too, so what if John doesn't look like someone he would usually go for?! I didn't understand why this needed to be said over and over... until Simon showed up. Yeah John and Simon were totally different.

I have to say that upon meeting John, I immediately halted, because before I picked up the book I thought he would be a somber, quiet but confident guy with a typical, impeccable teacher appearance. Instead there was this laid-back, totally cool young guy. I can only blame myself for thinking that though.

Anyway. I totally bought the connection, the chemistry between the MCs, even though at times it felt too sudden, other times it was slow. I loved the affection. These two were constantly touching each other (when not in public).

So I found the drama with the ex too much, otherwise it's a really good book.

( )

We Still Live is the most timely and topical book I've read in a long time. Isaac accepts a teaching position, restarting his life and trying to leave behind the mess he's created. He meets John, a young teacher, and writer.. and the hero who stood nose to nose with a shooter on campus. They begin working together on a literary magazine that they hope will help people to process the tragedy that happened. In the process of working together, they become involved. The problem is that there are things in both men's pasts that they don't reveal.

Trauma is definitely a theme in this book. Both main characters have experienced things that have a lasting effect on their spirits. John was a witness to a shooting at the school. People were killed, the shooter ultimately killed himself and John faced up to him in the last moments of his life. What I appreciated about this book is that the story isn't really about the people who lost their lives in the shooting, it's also about the people who survived. I was reminded of my days working with the HIV/AIDS community. We lost many people: friends, lovers, family, colleagues and it was years before we would realize the trauma and weight of being the one who lived.

John is dealing with a couple of things in the novel. Early on it becomes clear that he is dealing with mental illness as a result of his involvement in the shooting. He's also become known as the hero who stood in front of the shooter and spoke to him. But what exactly did he say? What were the final words that the shooter heard? The events of that tragic day have left John a changed man. Once an award-winning writer, he's no longer writing, he struggles under the impact of horrendous nightmares, he doesn't seem to trust himself.

On the other hand, Isaac's trauma is about living a life that was false and the results when it came out. (Pardon the pun). Isaac had been married to a woman for years... and dating a man. He was ashamed to be his authentic self and it wore him down to the point at which he revealed his feelings to his wife, divorced and ... ran. It took a lifetime to build up the shame and fear that caused Isaac to run towards a new life and the darkness trails along behind him in the guise of a cell phone constantly revealing text messages from his past. Coming out was a traumatizing event for Isaac. Maybe he handled it wrong, maybe he spent years not even aware of the impact his secret life was having on others... either way... his new start is still tainted by his past.

The two main characters are each fighting their own battle not to drown in the world around them. John is haunted by the events of the day of the shooting as he struggles to try and appear as normal as possible. Isaac knows that the past in on his trail even as he relishes his first months as a gay man living life and falling into a relationship with a colleague. I think, for me, the characters seemed to both be trying to make something new out of what happened to them in the past. They are both recreating themselves in different ways, but I found them to be very authentic. These two men are trying to take tragedy and loss and build on that shaky foundation to begin their lives anew. It just isn't working quite the way that they hope it will.

I think John's journey over the course of this story touched me the most. When he is introduced in the novel, outwardly he seems as though he's okay which I think is a very real front that people put up when they are most in need of help. For some reason, Isaac and he share a connection when they meet. I wondered if the author was intending for it to seem as though, perhaps, the two men could sense the broken within each of them. I am a believer that sometimes we find people when we need them.

This is a well-written novel with great characters. The pace of the growing closeness between John and Isaac felt very authentic. I also really came to enjoy a lot of the supporting characters. Tommy is John's best friend. He's caring and sweet, and I loved the way he tried gently to support John through his bouts with PTSD. I also really enjoyed how protective Tommy was when Isaac came into the picture. It's lovely to see such a genuine relationship between a straight man and a gay written realistically.

I would recommend this book to anyone who likes a plot with heavier, realistic themes running through it. Because of the intensity of some of the vents in this novel, I would suggest reading the warnings before you begin it. This is the first time that I've read a book in which the focus has been the people who survive a tragedy like this... I suspect there are a lot of people who might need to read it. ( )