The book had so much potential but it was so disappointing. Nothing really happened, there was zero character development despite that being the entire premise of the book, and it also had so many harmful tropes and plot points. I didn't like any of the characters and they all felt pretty 2D, even though I could see the effort to dimensionalize the main character. I really wanted to love this book but it fell very short. ( )

Featured in a blog post at https://booksbeyondbinaries.blog/2020/05/11/and-were-back/

The novel is non linear, so passages set in the current will be sandwiched between flashbacks of the past. Our narrator describes her volatile relationship with her mother, and her struggles as a Palestinian American. She’s often reckless. She has the tendency to cling to dysfunctional relationships and even seeks treatment for it. I can see how others would find her unlikable, but I found myself wanting the narrator to overcome her demons and find love. ⁣
I fell into reading easily with this book. I loved the style of the prose and felt the flashbacks really helped you better understand the narrator and her behavior. As someone who hasn’t read many books featuring Arab characters (and I should be better about that) reading this book opened my eyes to parts of a culture that I knew nothing about. ⁣ ( )

A somewhat raw time sliced life of a young woman overshadowed by a dramatically attractive mother whom she cannot please in any case and in particular in the matter of her bisexuality. The present concerns her reaction to the failure of her current relationship and her choice to go to therapeutic retreat for her "love addiction" during which her earlier life is reviewed piecemeal. There are definite moments of wanting to hit the protagonist and others upside the head. I found the flow somewhat fouled and some of the way of overlooking some consequences of choices off putting. ( )

You Exist Too Much was a uniquely different read for me. I haven’t read much literature with Palestinian main characters, and not with characters who identify as bisexual. The story is intense, heartbreaking and powerful. It’s the type of read you can’t put down but can’t put your finger on as to why. I felt for this woman and the toxic relationship with her mother that has cast a shadow over so much of her life.

Told in the first person, the unnamed protagonist doesn’t hold anything back. The story goes back and forward in time, describing events in her past while going through the end of a relationship, a stay in rehab and moving on to a new city and degree. As the story moves through the US, Palestine, Jordan and Europe, we find out more about the protagonist and perhaps some reasons why she has been coined a ‘love addict’ and self-destructs her relationships through obsessions with generally unattainable people. It’s painful, heartbreaking and uncomfortable to read at times as the protagonist sees what she is doing, but does it anyway. Her relationship with her mother is revealed to be more and more complex as the novel goes on. Initially it seems to be that her mother can’t accept her sexuality, but later it goes into mental abuse, gaslighting and an awkward relationship that she can’t quite break free from.

What makes You Exist Too Much so compelling is that the main character is far from perfect, and admits it. Bad things happen to her, from the annoying to the major. She is capable of being unfaithful and telling the biting truth to those who don’t want to hear it. She makes numerous mistakes in her relationships. She ignores what her counsellors say. It’s not just one flaw, it’s many. In a twisted way, it’s refreshing and not as depressing to read as it might seem. The protagonist knows what she does is wrong and doesn’t make excuses (although she has plenty). She carries on, but is not oblivious to her outsider status in the US as a bisexual, Arab woman. I wouldn’t say that she embraces it, nor accepts it, but is aware of it. It’s a fascinating character study in a world where the character is never quite at home.

The writing is just right – intense at times with bitter, self-depreciating humour at others. Arafat knows just when the intensity is enough and smashes it. The back and forth in the narrative works well too; the jump is at a point where the reader doesn’t feel ripped out of one scene and into another. They seem to fit together nicely. It’s hard to believe that this a debut as it’s so self-assured. Great work from Zaina Arafat.

Thank you to Hachette for the copy of this novel. My review is honest.

http://samstillreading.wordpress.com ( )