A memoir written by a poet, filled with patterns and looping motifs, an awareness of literary elements from poetry, drama, and fiction ("a note on character"); she sometimes envisions herself as being in a play, playing the role of the "finder": a wife who finds a postcard to another woman in her husband's briefcase, leading, eventually, to divorce. She writes about her marriage, her work, her miscarriages, her children, social media, therapy, the pandemic, the experience of having a viral poem ("Good Bones"). She writes with honesty but tells the reader when she is holding back. Quotes from other creatives are scattered throughout.

Quotes/notes

"I am out with lanterns, looking for myself" -Emily Dickinson (epigraph)

This is not a tell-all, it is a tell-mine

The truth is simple but it is not easy

Narrative is knowledge about the future (Sarah Ruhl)

A friend says every book begins with an unanswerable question. Then what is mine?

A note on foreshadowing

inciting incidents

betrayal is neat

"Good Bones" (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/89897/good-bones)

the past is gone but we carry it with us

nesting dolls

what happens if you don't process what has happened to you?

"Picture of My Dress" (Mountain Goats) ( )

Smith is a poet and her craft is wonderfully on display in this memoir about the breakdown of her marriage. She explores the gender inequality of invisible labor, but does so with not a technical term in sight. It’s more about finding yourself when you are lost, and how disorienting that process can be. I finished the book with a sense of hope, and a desire to grab a beer with the author and continue the conversation. ( )

Beautiful prose about very difficult experiences. Loved her reading in the audio ( )

This book meant a lot to me. Really beautiful. ( )

This was a beautiful read. Short, poetic chapters that serve as a meditation on life, loss of a relationship, heartbreak, motherhood, family, and reclaiming/growing/healing oneself (in community and individually doing the work).
There are intermittent passages titled "A Friend Says Every Book Begins with an Unanswerable Question" The author writes Then what is mine? and proceeds to write the next question in her thought, emotional journey. I pondered these snippets for awhile as I continued the journey of the story. Quotes are peppered throughout that were/are meaningful to the author. ( )